I've
noticed an increase in the volume of my children. They are loud. It drives me
bananas sometimes. And I go, "why can't you just be quieter?"
"Why
must you yell and shout at each other?"
"Stop
it!"
And
then my husband and I were having one of those deep meaningful parenting talks
that we get into sometimes when the kids are sleeping. And he mentioned
that he noticed us having shorter tempers with the kids. Our tendency has
been to raise our own voices. No wonder the kids are being loud, they are
just doing what we have been modelling for them. I know it sounds cliche,
but actions speak louder than words. Kids do what they see, not
necessarily what they are being told.
We
made the decision to do something about it. We've started off with small
steps. Example, when it's dinner time, instead of yelling up the stairs
for the kids, I take the trek up to their room, knock on their doors and very
politely let them know that dinner is ready. Another example: when my
son's friend's mom came to pick him up one afternoon, I didn't yell up to the
boys that L's mom was here, I went upstairs, knocked on the door and (again)
politely, let them know L's mom was there, they had 5 minutes to clean up so
she could get him home for supper.
Amazingly
enough (or maybe not so amazingly), the volume of the house has gone down, way
down! There's less protesting from the kids because I'm treating them
with respect. They are speaking kinder to each other because I'm speaking
kinder to them. I'm also taking the time to givepositive time outs and
demand (again politely) respect. If one son starts to yell at the other,
I will ask that child to come see me and explain that we do not yell at each
other, we need to speak respectfully and listen to each other. If one
child snaps at me and speaks to me rudely, I will point blank tell him that I
do not deserve to be spoken to in such a manner. I will be glad to speak
and talk through whatever is bothering him, when he uses a polite tone.
And it's working!
Today,
I went to use the main bathroom and saw that there were toothpaste streaks all
over the mirror. It was obvious that one child had gotten toothpaste on
it and used a facecloth to try to get it off, but all they ended up with was a
big mess. Now, in previous times I would have yelled down the stairs for
both boys to come up and explain it and then probably bawl them out for doing
it. Today, I walked down and in a very kind voice asked if one of them
knew what happened to the mirror. At first, they seemed to have no idea
what I was talking about, so I asked them to follow me up the stairs, bringing
the Windex and a cloth along. I just explained that it had to have been
one of them, and that the considerate thing to do if that happens is to clean
the mirror properly so that others could use it, all they have to do is ask for
help. My oldest then spoke up and said that it was him and that it was an
accident, he didn't know what to do and thought he'd be in trouble. I
told him there was no trouble, and we cleaned off the mess together. He
then returned to what he was doing before and both of us stayed relaxed and
content. What a difference! I think this is really going to
work. I just have to remember to keep it up and keep my own cool!
After all, it's up to me to teach my children about respect and manners and if
I'm not modelling it for them, then what?
